Steady Monotony
by Rasiaa
Summary: "I get it. You're a Ravenclaw with the heart of a Gryffindor- you move too fast to be stuck in a circle all the time." Lily Luna is breaking free.


_For the "Best Songs Ever Song Fic Challenge" by accia1199, in which my song was "Turn it Off" by Paramore, and for the "50 Characters, 50 Prompts Challenge/Competition" by Miss Undaztood Black, where my character was Lily Luna, and my line was, "We keep going round in circles and it's making me sick.". Both are on the HPFC forum.  
_

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I'm the last one.

It's getting old, being stuck in the knowledge that I am alone. Everyone else has gotten up and graduated and moved on with their lives. It's crippling, almost. Because I am here, and have always been here, and will always be here. The monotony is killing me.

Sometimes I wonder if dropping out would be beneficial to my sanity.

I know it would be.

But I am not so sure that it would secure my future. My future as a Healer- a respectable job, one expected of Harry Potter's only daughter. A Ravenclaw, at that- why should I want any different?

"Think too hard and you'll die from the overload, Potter," jokes my best friend, Stephen.

I snort and shove him, not missing a beat, "You're the Gryffindor brute, what do I have to worry about?"

He and I have a mini staring contest before dissolving into laughter. He's still chuckling when he nudges me with his foot and settles into the other side of the window seat, saying, "No… really, Lily. Anyone with eyes can see that something's troubling that brilliant mind of yours. Tell me?"

I close my book and turn my head to stare out the window in the library. It's getting dark outside, and Christmas is steadily approaching. This is the last night before break. I should be happier- this is my seventh year, and then I'll be out the world. The only problem with being among the youngest of nineteen children is that graduating is nothing new, and it's rather old news. "Should I go to school for Healing?" I ask instead of answering directly.

A crease forms between his eyebrows. "That's what you want, isn't it?" he questions.

I sigh. "It's expected," I shrug, staring into my reflection. My dying brown eyes stare back, framed by my short blood red hair. It settles into waves above my ears, the consequences of being James Potter's younger sister- I found myself into many sticky situations that often required something be done with my ruined hair. I look nothing like either of my parents, nor any of my siblings, and if it weren't for the fact that I'm nearly identical to my father's mother save my eyes, I would wonder if I was switched at birth.

"Expected, huh?" Stephen's voice sounds all too knowing, and I glance at him. He smiles, looking out the window. "Prepare for some rare wisdom, Lily dear, and listen well, because this may never happen again~"

"Shut up and get on with it, then, you ass," I interrupt, and he glares at me before continuing.

"As I was saying, before I was so very rudely interrupted," Stephen grins at me, "just graduate and come back."

I sit and stare at him for a full minute. "What?"

He rolls his eyes and huffs. "And you're a genius," he says sarcastically, gesturing me to come closer. I move over grudgingly, focusing on his face. He has hair very similar to mine, though it's dirty blond, and he has freckles covering just about every inch of his face. While my brown eyes are dying, his dance with the promise of his approaching victory. I'm the youngest, but he has five younger siblings and that'll make him the first to graduate. We're opposites in about every way- his dry humor and my dirty jokes, my genius and his bland intelligence, his overall brighter complexion while I sometimes feel like I'm drowning amidst bronze and blue. We've been friends for seven years, and I feel like it will stay that way forever. It's the only part of my monotonous lifestyle that I never want to change.

He points to something outside, directing my attention to it. Resting his other hand on my shoulder, he asks, "Do you see the foxes?"

I peer closer, focusing my gaze to the bottom of the trees that mark the edge of the Forbidden Forest. And I do see them, a whole family. There are five in total, and they're moving quickly toward the mountains in the distance. I nod, and Stephen continues, "I have seen that same family of foxes all year."

This time, my eyebrows come together, and I wonder what that has to do with anything. Before I can ask, Stephen pulls my gaze from the family and towards him, saying, "They always come back after they find food- which is what they're looking for, always."

"Are you comparing me to a fox?" I ask, unsure whether I want to laugh or not.

He nods enthusiastically, "Metaphorically speaking, of course." When I continue to stare at him, he sighs, "Just… come back home when you've found whatever it is you're looking for."

I understand. "The other part is, Stephen… I almost want to leave here over Christmas break and never come back. I'm ready. I'm ready to live my life as someone new, away from the fame and the rest of my insanely successful family. It's like…" I stare outside again, searching, for what, though… I don't know. My gaze settles on the mountain, and the words come easily as I stare at them. "I want to jump off the cliff… do something crazy and totally unexpected, because I feel like I'll be better off when I face the consequences. My whole life has revolved around a few things, like I'm the earth and my life is the sun, and I'm bound by the sun's laws of nature. Sometimes things will hit me unexpectedly, but I'll right it eventually." I look back at him, desperately hoping that he will understand. "Do you get it?"

He stares back, an unreadable expression on his face. Then, "It sounds like you have a severe inferiority complex."

I roll my eyes. "Who knows?"

We sit in silence for a while. The sun disappears eventually, and my finger starts to tingle from being closed inside my book for so long. The librarian turns up and kicks us out of the library, after which we walk slowly to the point of the crossroads for us- one way to Gryffindor tower, the other to the Ravenclaw house. Just as I start to say goodbye, Stephen stops my words with a hand on my arm and a serious look on his face. "Just… If I never see you again after Christmas break, Lily… just know that I support your decision. I get it. You're a Ravenclaw with the heart of a Gryffindor- you move too fast to be stuck in a circle all the time. And revolving around one, always… it must make you ill. So go on…be selfish. I'll wait up."

And before I can respond, he takes off down the hall, and I know better than to follow.

…

The two weeks of break come and go. Instead of boarding the train at platform 9 ¾, I take an impulsive turn at the station and purchase the last ticket to Paris.

I know myself. I packed for this.

I board the train at platform twelve and set about writing a letter to Stephen.


End file.
